I CANNOT WAIT
I cannot wait to be 50 years old. Maybe 60. Or 70. I cannot wait to have my own rent free house, no matter how small and simple. I cannot wait to have my 19 year old dog by my feet, telling me with its eyes just how good it was when we were ‘young’. I cannot wait to have silver hair, in dreadlocks just above my waist. Looking into the mirror and seeing an old woman staring back. An old woman with a nose piercing and probably a hundred tattoos. I cannot wait to see each one of them and laugh at just how reckless I was as a child. Reckless but happy nonetheless. I cannot wait to slowly walk into my sitting room, sink into that my favorite chair and put on ‘Mom’ the series collection. A glass of wine or a mug of tea on one hand, the other gently playing with Grey’s fur as he lays his head on my lap. I cannot wait to get random text messages from one of my 12 children, telling me that the foreign country is not what they expected, but they will do their best either way. Or another simply sending a goodnight message because the adult independent life is not all candy as they expected and they miss their mother’s rice pudding. I cannot wait to be warned that I will have to take care of my triplet grandchildren over the weekend because the parents need some alone time. I cannot wait to have monthly gatherings of the children and grandchildren in one of the parks, where everyone gets to meet everyone and love above everything else reigns. I cannot wait to be consulted about life matters by my potential in laws. And after a long day of work and play, and everyone is rushing to take care of this old woman, washing the dishes, arranging the chairs, putting the babies to sleep, I cannot wait to sink back into that my favorite chair, back rested, head leaned, and spirit grateful, have a conversation with this my God that has allowed me to reach this part of my life where chasing life is no longer the mission. To simply thank Him for never letting go of my hand, guiding me through the uncertainties, providing through my lack and simply being there no matter what. I simply cannot wait.